Preparing for the Journey

3 days. In 3 days, I'll be sitting in my new home. Not having ever been there before, it's quite impossible to know what to expect. What I do know is that it will be somewhere in Rome, Italy, about a 10 minute walk from the Vatican, in a hotel which houses the Emmanuel School of Mission. In 3 days I'll finally get to meet my 20 other companions who will accompany me on this adventure for the next year. They will be from far and wide, with vastly different experiences from myself. Those from England, Ireland, or Australia will be native English-speakers. Those from Asia, Europe, South America, heck maybe even Antarctica (?) will come with various degrees of English proficiency. All from different cultures and upbringings. A true melting pot if there ever was one. But we will all be united in one thing. In faith, in purpose, in love of Jesus Christ. In the desire to spread His message and love to the ends of the earth. To make disciples of all nations. This common bond brings us all to the heart of the Church, to be formed in a missionary spirit and to be drawn deeper into the love of God. We will live together, learn together, laugh and probably cry together, hurt together, be stretched and molded together, serve together, and most of all seek God in every single moment of this entire year, together.

But before I get there, I've got a lot to do. Trying to prepare in any way I can, brushing up on some last minute Italian, possibly starting to pack, (nah, that can wait until the night before). Oh, and awaiting that pesky Visa which has eluded me for the past 6 weeks.

As excited as I am, it's hard to go. It finally hit me about 2 weeks ago, lying in bed one night: "I'm ACTUALLY going." And then my next thought was: "What the HECK am I doing?!" When I first felt called to the ESM and decided to go, I was thinking only about the awesome-ness that was about to ensue. I never really took into account all that I was giving up in order to go. An amazing family, who I can never thank enough for their support. So many incredible friends, whether from home, from Franciscan, from CHWC, and so many other places. I'm comfortable here. I've been comfortable here for too long. It's time for me to step out of my comfort zone. If we're comfortable, we're not growing. I want to be stretched beyond my limits, further then I ever believed I could go, for only then can I truly live out the Gospel call. Christ calls us to give everything, not just what we're comfortable with. Everything. I recently came across a quote from a saint that said something to the effect of: "Attaining the Kingdom of Heaven is going to take every ounce of passion you've got." That is what I want to do, and what God is calling me to do in Rome. To give every ounce of passion I've got; to die to myself fully, in order for Him to use me as He wills.

I'm one of those people at Franciscan that was like "Ohhhh, I just love it here. Everything is perfect and roses and butterflies, and I never want to leave, ever." So I had been planning for awhile just to stay for grad school, more to prolong leaving than anything else. But God had other plans. He completely took that desire from my heart, and by the end of last semester, I was ready to leave. I knew that I was not supposed to stay, for God had other plans for my future. So instead of being a hot mess at graduation, like I expected myself to be, I was actually just really really happy.

But, as I said goodbye to all of my remaining friends in Steubenville yesterday, the tears that were stayed during graduation finally began to flow. I know that I'm doing God's will, but that doesn't make leaving any easier.  Many of these amazing, loving, Christ-filled people, who have been such an inspiration to me and an aid in my own faith journey, I may never see again. I thank you all. You mean more to me than you'll ever know.

I know the goodbyes will only continue until this Saturday. But if there's one thing that I've learned recently, it's to focus not on endings, but on beginnings. This is a crazy new beginning in my life, one filled with uncertainty, for who knows what the future holds? God does. And that fact alone is enough for me, because, as He has promised, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" (Jeremiah 29:11). I will trust in this promise as I go forth into the unknown. For honestly, what would life be without a little uncertainty? We'd be bored out of our minds! Let's trust in God's promise as we live out the exciting uncertainty that we face every day.

I'm starting this blog in hopes that, by sharing how God is working in my life, you may come to see how truly awesome He is, and thus come to love Him more. For if He can use me to do anything for His Kingdom, He really does deserve an excessive amount of Glory. You see, I'm not the best at yielding to His will. Lord, may You use this blog for whatever purpose You may have, bless all those who read it with Your protection and peace, and unite us all in Your love until we meet again.

Until then, see you in the Eucharist!!!

Seeking the Heart of Christ, in the heart of the Church,
Eric